THE CASSANDRA CROSSING

(1976)

A unintentionally hilarious drama from Lord Lew Grade who would come close to out-doing himself in cinematic crap a few years later with "Raise The Titanic" A transcontinental train leaves Geneva with a trainload full of almost stars and extras. World famous doctor Richard Harris receives some bad news: Apparently a plague infected criminal may be aboard the train. A good guess would be the "sweaty, puffy pervert" who is sneezing on the food in the galley, and drinking out of dog bowls in the cargo area.   Harris must find out who the plague carrier is. He has a lot of sweaty perverts to choose from: His ex wife (Sophia Loren) who writes trashy books about their failed marriage, a boozy socialite (Ava Gardner-getting a lot of mileage out of her Remy-esque character from Earthquake), her kept younger man (Martin Sheen) who is a heroin addicted mountain climber, O.J. Simpson as a strangely tense preist, and Lee Starsberg, onboard as the token older con man/Jewish-concentration camp survivor.   Things get really looney when callous Colonel Burt Lancaster orders the train quarantined. He orders troops in decon suits to stop the train. The men in white show up and seal the train, shoot a few extras, and send the train through Poland towards a bridge that hasnt been used since the nazis used it to ferry people to death camps. Throw in a groovy musical number, a kitchen explosion and a train wreck for good measure. The score by Jerry Goldsmith is pretty good. The movie actually has some so bad-its good thrills.

Photos: ITC/Artisan